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Monday, May 28th, 2007
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8:08 pm - still coming here?
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Hello, person.
Are you still coming to this page looking for my blog? Well then, friend, you need to go here instead: http://www.superkathoid.blogspot.com . Also, please refer to http://www.superkathoid.com for other updates on the goings-on of superkathoid. I can also be found on myspace.com, facebook.com, and rupture.com.
Thanks.
current music: Breaking Laces - Astronomy Is My Life, But I Love You
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
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2:08 am - A rare public entry, too good not to share.
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I love the sound of the rain blowing in. Gusts of wind just blowing the storm clouds in nearer and nearer. I love the sound of the deep rolling thunder, and of raindrops hitting the pavement of Eighth Avenue out below my bedroom window. There's a certain peace in an incoming storm; something so violent and powerful, but yet so natural and beautiful. It's like a graceful gothic poem, or a shattered porcelain ballerina: Horrible and wonderful at the same time. It's dark, and deep, but pure. One Twenty-Nine AM. Rain falling. Rain blowing. Light from a single lamp, and a single computer screen. The low thunder, and the constant hum of a CPU. Sometimes I just want to shut it off. The computer, the lamp, the clocks and the phones, and just run through the streets that would be dirt paths, past the Bergen County mansions that would be tall magestic pine trees. I want to run, just barefoot, each step tredding through mud, and dirt, and green green grass slippery with rain. I hate the Adidas, the Nike, the Converse, the Reebok. I hate the modern, the electric, and the digital age. One night I want to spend laying in a bed made of pine needles, in a small shelter made from fallen tree limbs. I would lay there, rain or moonshine, and be so fucking happy.
I built that shelter many times when I was younger. In the summer with mud and dirt to pack it together, and in the winter with snow and ice. I would curl up inside it, and cover the floor with pine needles and decorate it with pine cones and other plants and moss that I found. Even in the rain or the snow I would sit, and just look. I would study ever detail of the bark of the trees, or the small plants that would pop up through the forest floor. Sometimes I would search the tree canopy for the sound of a woodpecker, pecking away in search of a meal. There were also the owls at night time, or the summer with the red tailed hawk family that made roost in one of the great tall trees. You could walk endlessly and see a new site each step. You could count the deer tracks, see where the moose had eaten bark off the striped maple. There was one place I always saw that I thought bears would sleep in when they would sleep all winter long. There were rabbits, and porcupines, and occasional coyotes. They were always there, but you could never see them unless you knew where to look, like I knew where to look. I loved nature.
Then came the building of the camp, and there was no more trailer. Then there was electricity, and a telephone. Then came the first quad, then the second. Then came the neighbours and their beer cans and then our man-made pond. The pond brough tadpoles and salamanders and newts, but left everything downstream of it not as beautiful as before. The quads brought pollution, and make the stream have a shiny gloss of oil residue, which when I was younger I always thought was so beautiful when the rainbow light would dance in it. There are beer cans and soda cans and cigarette butts lining the dirt street where I used to pick raspberries in July and black berries in August. There are plastic wrappers and other discarded crap where I used to pick Lady Slippers and Daisies. The house that was once empty where the field that the wild turkeys were always in is now filled with people. The vacant lot next door is now vacant of trees and home to a grumpy ex-husband who hasn't paid his taxes in over five years, and is also home to his assorted junk-yard style lawn furnishings; cars, and an old trailer, and a broken swing set.
When I was younger I could look at the world as a beautiful place. I wonder if it actually ever was. I know for certain that it was never actually beautiful in my lifetime. I have always been too caught up in the small precious details of nature to see the big picture. We have royally fucked over our planet and everything growing and living and being in it. We blast mountains and carve our presidents into them. We blast forests and put housing developments in them. We poison the skies with pollutants from every little last thing we use; cars to hair spray. We poison oceans with our pollution and kill and the fish and whales and dolphins.
I remember walking on the beach in a southern city far from the big city I currently live in the shadow of. It was a beautiful sunny day. I had my hand in the hand of one of the few true loves of my life. The sunshine was dancing across the waves, and as we watched a pair of dolphins came above the surface of the Atlantic and dipped back down, one after the other. They followed the coast and came up and down a few times, and then slowly disappeared from our view. We have even littered their world, a world so few people ever see, and no one will ever understand. Where once was sea coral is now the grave yard for our sunken ships and downed aircraft. Soon after the dolphins left, several little old ladies came with buckets and began plucking things off the glistening wet sand beneath our feet. I couldn't figure out what it was at first. Small things with bubbles coming up out of the sand. They were sand dollars, and they were trying as fast as they could to bury themselves under the beach with the changing tide. The ladies gathered them up like they were gold, and so I went on my mission to save them, helping them cover themselves in sand before the ladies could steal these little lives from the beach. Undoubtedly they were going to be killed, and dried out, and then made into tokens of this very beach, to be sold in some small souvenier shop.
This is the world we live in, and so few of us actually live in it. We live in our own made up worlds created on this planet, and no one ever stops to smell the roses, or stops to watch a sunset, or steps outside in a down pour just to feel the rain soak through their skin. It's sad to know that where I live there are more shopping malls than mountains to hike, and there are more miles of paved roadway than there are parks to preserve what little nature we have left. It's horrible that more than 90% of my social life happens over the internet, because no one will get up, go outside, and experience this world with me. I want to go for picnics in flowery fields. I want to dig my feet in sand on beaches far far away from other people. I want to climb on rocks in forests and hike up tall mountains and feel like I am on top of the world. Because if I don't, who will?
Funny thing is, I'm deathly afraid of thunder and lightning. I don't know who or what instilled this fear in me. It was probably something I heard on the TV or saw on the internet. Probably some froced upon rule of our society. Lightning is beautiful, and the thunder is calming. But I live in this 2004 that the modern world has created, so I'm forced back to bed, to cower under my covers and wait for the storm to pass.
current mood:  serene
current music: thunder
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 26th, 2004
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12:38 am - LJ CUT
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| Saturday, May 8th, 2004
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12:30 am - FRIENDS ONLY
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if you see this entry, but not the one previous, you've been removed from the list...
current mood:  bitchy
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 1st, 2004
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11:52 am - Lighting Final
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| Saturday, January 31st, 2004
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12:00 am - friends only
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yep, boys and girls, thats right... this journal is:
FRIENDS ONLY!!
...comment to be added, or scram...
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, September 5th, 2003
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12:12 pm - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LIVE JOURNAL!
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Today my live journal is one year old. Hurray!
Gabe was the one who gave me the code for the journal way back when. Alot has happened since then, hehe...
so YAY!
current mood:  content
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 23rd, 2003
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5:22 am - g33k
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Mike and I hung out tonight. We went to TGIFriday's for dinner and that kinda sucked. It was slow and noisy and the food wasn't even that great.
So I'm a geek.
We go back ot his house, and we decide to watch a movie, so I go through all the movies and I pick out Bug's Life. So then I'm like "I want my pillow" so we go upstairs into his room to get his pillows. (And yeah I already made my claim on which of his two pillows is mine... hehe) So I figure, oh I'll be all sexy and just lay on his bed. DOH! Next thing I know its 4 hours later. Frigin Me! I frigin SLEEP! And then its like 4 something and we go downstairs to get ready to leave, and I lay on the couch and I'm out again. Not for very long, but DUDE! whats wrong with me. All I can do is sleep. UGH.
I'm a geek.
Tomorrow Jess and Emily and I are going camping at Voorhees Campground. Its out on 78 towards PA. It's something like an hour away. That should be fun. I'll get to sleep in the woods. And I bet all I do IS SLEEP ... ugh...
oh yeah, and sunday is my birthday. the big 1-9. my last year as a teenager. boo hoo. my birthday always is lack-luster. i just dont really get off at being another year older. not like im getting old, just that, whatever. i have no need to celebrate, no need for things. thats not whats important.
at least i get cake.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 21st, 2003
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7:29 pm - "Have you no shame?"
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MIKE: get this:
SUPA-K: ok ok
MIKE: my mother just noticed the nice mark you left on me
SUPA-K: haha
SUPA-K: what did she say?
MIKE: she's like 'whats that on your neck'. i shrug. she goes ' a hickie?'. i say yes i didnt know it was happening. she goes 'christ, have you no shame?'
SUPA-K: haha
current mood: jubilant
current music: Strong Bad is on POINT!
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12:46 pm - Rush-hour Butterfly
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I get good ideas when driving. Too bad its not easy to type whilst driving.
I realized every band has a driving song. (Unless your Darby Jones then you have songs about crashing your car.) I need a song about driving. Therefore, I need to have a driving song. A song about driving. Driving driving driving.
80 East in the waning moonshine
2AM with the miles flying by
Pushing 60 MPH riding somewhere to home
A less than half moon like a guide
No headlights looking back,
to tail lights up ahead
I'm riding the open road alone.
I'm driving home alone.
--*-*--*-*--*-*--
Meanwhile, NOTE TO SELF:
bring these damned cds back to the library
0304 - Jewel
Beautiful Garbage - Garbage
Tidal - Fiona A
Utopia Pkwy - FoW
Waiting for my Rocket to Come - J Mraz
Hard Candy - Couting Crows
Citizen Cope - Citizen Cope
WhiteChocolateSpaceEgg - L Phair
Dig Your Own Hole - Chem Bros
On and On - Jack Johnson
Brushfire Fairytales - Jack Johnson
Hotel Paper - Michelle Branch
Welcome Interstae Managers - FoW
Wow, 13 Cds...
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12:26 pm - no plane tickets
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Hey. So I don't have to buy a plane ticket. Gabe called me last night to tell me he's actually coming down to Jersey that weekend to help his mom out with some garage sale.
I still think I'm going to have to go up there some weekend to see his apartment and meet his friends and see his little town of Rochester, since I've never been there. I was also just looking forward to spending the night. Hehe... Maybe I'll have to just have a sleep over some night at Gabe's in Clifton. woohoo...
So I'm at work on my lunch break now. I worked 9-12 at the Children's Desk. That was a bit nutso, like usual. I swear that every day I work in there the chances of me ever wanting to have a kid go down and down and down. Yeaaahh...
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I love the irony I find here sometimes. My mom just showed me a book. The title was "Dogs for Dummies". We had to withdraw the book. Why? A dog had eaten half of it.
current mood: relaxed
current music: the buzz of the computer, the tip tap of the keys
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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2:31 pm - Tuesday
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So last night was ok. I worked 10-2 then 6-9. After work I drove to Mike's house in Fairfield. It was really easy to get there actually. We watched Chicago which was VERY good. I really liked it alot. Then we went to the Versailles diner. That was fun. I got a pizza which was really yummy. Then we went back to Mike's house and hung out for a little bit.
I think my favorite thing to do for the past week has just been sleeping. I like sleeping with a guy next to me. NO, really I mean sleep sleep, not.. ugh, you perverts.
I just watched "Totally Gay" on VH1. I was almost surprised to see a show like that on a popular channel like VH1. It makes me feel good seeing that though. Maybe the world will finally change. At least I haven't really had to deal with some shit most people go through. I guess I'm not really totally out. I'm pretty open about it to my friends, but I'm not running around with a gay pride shirt on. Hmmm... now thats an idea... :)
Ok, anyhow. So no work today. I was hoping I'd get to hit up the zoo with my buddy Kenny, but I guess not, judging Van Saun Park closes at 430 and its 300 now. Oh well.
I feel fat today. And that kinda sucks. Ugh.
I miss Gabe a whole lot right now. Well, I think I miss him a whole lot all the time.
I think I'm going to fly to Rochester. I might as well splurge the $168 bucks. I dont wanna drive all the way out there. I will if I have to, but I'd rather only spend like 1 1/2 hours getting there than 5 or 6.
Maybe I'll just buy a one way ticket.
current mood:  drained
current music: Breaking Laces - "Going Away"
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
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8:39 am - weeeeekkkkend part 2 - MONDAY
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So Monday I had work 10-2, but I didn't get there on time because I woke up at 10:10, so I got to work at 10:30. Luckily it wasn;t too busy right then. It was the normal busy for a summer Monday morning, and so I worked. I got home a little before 3 'coz I had to talk to people about my schedule. I called Gabe and then I took a shower and got all nice looking for him. I dunno, I like to look nice for him. So I left my house, and said I'd be there in like 20 mins.
I went to the bank first, and that alone took about 20 minutes. Some idiot old man couldnt get the ATM to work and was banging all the buttons. Idiot. Then it was suddenly rush hour, and 20 was swarmed with cars. It was alright once I got past those first few traffic lights, and I got to Gabe's not as late as I thought I would.
So the big plan was to go to Wendys or something to get some grub, but I ate a Microwave dinner instead. It filled me up for about 2 seconds. Those things are so tiny. Then I was hungry again. So yeah, we went upstairs to watch a DVD in his sisters room. We watched "Catch Me If You Can" which was actually rather good, despite Leo DiCaprio, I was surprised. Oh yeah, and Gabe gave me a KILLER back massage with this Tiger Balm stuff. OOoOoHhH, it felt soooo awesome. And then we just cuddled and watched the rest of the movie.
After the movie we went in Gabe's room and had some fun. ... ... ... hehe, ... ... ... ok ... so then after all that ... we decided we were both hungry and went to Wendy's. I ate half his fries on the way back to his house. He was trying to keep them away from me but I managed to steal the bag from him. He shoulda Biggie sized them. Hah, Oh well. So we sat in front of the TV with his mommy watching Stargate whatever. I had no clue what was going on but I was stuffing my face so thats ok. After that show was off, Mommy went into the other room so we were watching some Adult Swim. Good stuff. Then we went upstairs to make out. I ended up just being sleepy so we just cuddled and Id came over and laid on the bed with us. It was awesome.
I was laying there in Gabe's arms with my head on his chest and I could hear his heartbeat. Id was laying right on top of us and I could hear him purring. I could hear the crickets outside and everything was just awesome. It was so simple but it was so awesome.
I decided what I wanted last night while I was laying there. I want that. I want Gabe. He just feels right.
Why do I always want the things I can't have?
:sigh:
current mood: calm
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8:18 am - weeeekkkend part 1 - SUNDAY
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Sunday I had work 12-5, that went alright, even though it was crazy busy almost the whole time. It was alright because we finally got caught up with everything from the Blackout. That damn thing set us back, boo hoo. But it's alright now.
When I got home I was sittin in front of the comp and my cell rang. Some weird number, I was reluctant to answer, but: IT WAS FRANK!!!!! (http://www.lankymusic.com) Frank had sent me an email on Friday asking me to do some graphics for him. I've done stuff for him before, but nothing that he ever used for anything like, say, a T-Shirt, which is what my current Lanky project is. It was really good to hear from him, since I haven't really talked to anyone from 50 Rumana Road, especially because there is no more 50 Rumana Road... It's been a long time since living room serenades of Lanky and rocking the basement with D-Jones. I miss those kids. Now Frank brings me back into the mix. I'm excited about the whole thing. He's asking for what I do best - He wants a Devil with the words "Sinner Songwriter". If you know me, I'm all about the devils. And Frank, well, he rocks my socks. Too bad he's so old and lives on the Road. Hah...
Later Sunday night I went up to Jess's. We started planning our little camping trip, and I think we're going to Cheesequake State Park in NJ. It seemed like a nice little place from what we could read on the web, but all we really need is some trees, a place for a tent, and a place for us. Lauren Mac came online while we were, and we invited her over with her gee-tar for a little jam session. That was lots of fun. I hadn't seen Laur in a long time, and I hadn't jammed out like that before. I guess I'm not so stinky on guitar. Jess was on her piano/keyboard thing in the basement, I was on guitar, and Laur rocked out on the drums. Haha, it was totally fun. Then Laur grabbed the guitar and I had the bass and Jess was on the drums and Lauren sang songs about me and jelly donuts from church and then weird random things like the 'Give Us Barabas' poster on the wall. Hah.
So we decided we were going to go to Montclair to this ice cream place, but Laur was a poopy head and didnt come. As we went upstairs so Jess could call 411 for the 411, my phone was beeping. =D "New Voicemail Message" I was pleasantly surprised when it was Gabe, saying he was home from Cali. So I called him back and we decided we were going to drive to Clifton to rescue him and take him to get Ice Cream.
So we decided to go to this other place, I think it is in Montclair, called Applegate Farms. The line was uber long and the ice cream was good. I got banana with pinapple and gummi bears and whipped cream and a cherry ontop. Gotta love the gummi bears, until Gabe says the whole thing about them being made from bones. I ate them anyhow.
So we went back to Gabe's house and he showed us the pictures from Cali and I gave him a back massage, then I decided it would be fun to attack him, so I attacked him. I don't know what I was doing but I was tickling him and pushing him on the floor. Jess yelled at me for it later. She just doesn't know how to have any fun. I stole a few kisses from Gabe and then we left when we realized it was almost 1. So then I went home.
current mood: calm
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| Sunday, August 17th, 2003
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11:06 am - woah...
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I was talking to Mike online last night and I was joking around saying he should come and make me dinner. About an hour after I say that he's here, in my kitchen, making me dinner. He also brought me a beautiful flower that he picked from his garden at home.
He made some chicken with all sorts of spices and rosemary and lemon and stuff on it. It was really pretty good. He took a can of string beans from him house too. Haha, they were all soggy and like canned veggies are. I gave the leftovers to Ziggy (aka my pet blue tounged skink) and he liked them just fine. :)
After dinner we decided to go out and get some stuff. We went to the A&P and got some ice cream: Banana Fudge Chunk to be exact. Good stuff. We got some little dinosaur sprinkles to go ontop and I was eating them right out of the container when we got back home. I also got some gas, then drove to the 7-11 looking for Clove cigarettes. They didnt have them... boo hoo. I was kinda in the mood for one, but didn't want to go ahead and smoke my last one. Oh well... it's probably best for me not to be smoking, if I'm going to be a singer and all.
Yup yup...
So I spent alot of this weekend with Mike. Maybe I got the wrong first impression of him, or I was trying too hard not to like him, for some reason. Maybe thats because of the "G" and the "K" influences. Mike seems like a nice guy. He still is a little crazy, but maybe not in a bad way like I thought. We'll see...
So I must go get ready for work. And then later tonight I'm going to try to hang with Jess to plan our big camp trip this weekend. :)
current mood: pleased
current music: the fan and the birds and the cicada bugs
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 16th, 2003
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6:02 pm - you want to know love?
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12:12 pm - these make me happy
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8:02 am - ...
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its not going to be fun to function on 2 hours of sleep. I'll *NEVER* do that again. I need a few more than 2 to not feel this icky.
Last night was fun though. Maybe I was wrong about Mike... hmmmm
current mood: sleepy
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, August 15th, 2003
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8:06 pm
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my emotions are welling up behind my eyes
a tear, a cry
i shut my eyes
i lay down and wait
you make me wait
a calm, a sign
a mental compromise
i have no capacity to say no
i have no will to turn you down
so i turn you on
half-intentionally
three dimensionally
come and get me, youre not my prince
youre not the one i asked for
your about as original as brown dirt
as vanilla ice cream
but your more like the dirt
he makes me barf
you make me hurl
its picking the best of both worlds
but i end up with the worst
i love him and he hates me
i hate you and he loves me
he loves her and she hates him
she loves him and he hates her
love is hate is love is hate
hate is love is hate is love
blah blah blah blah blah blah
current mood:  depressed
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5:46 pm
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wow, im really bored, and there is really nothing to do tonight. no shows, no friends. boo. im just so bored...
i dunno whats im gunna do.
current mood:  bored
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